Age Fluidity and Liminality: Thinking Differently About Growing Older

I just finished a book that came highly recommended by a colleague (thank you Sarkis!), Learning to Love Midlife by Chip Conley. Wait, you might be saying. Your column speaks to older adults, not those in midlife. Well, Conley puts large enough brackets around midlife that it can include nearly any age starting with adulthood. He writes about “age fluidity” – not being boxed in by societal expectations of one’s alleged stage of life. And, dear readers, this is a theme that ties perfectly with a concept near and dear to my heart: liminality.

We all know it’s far too easy to get trapped into thinking about aging negatively. As aging individuals, we are faced with changes in our bodies and sometimes minds, and face the reality of our own mortality and those whom we love. However, instead of seeing our own aging as a march toward limitations, we can turn that idea upside down and instead see later life as a liminal phase, a time of transition, reinvention, and freedom from how we once defined ourselves.

Tying this to age fluidity, someone celebrating their 86^th birthday can experience the excitement of a new friendship, a new romance, a new blossoming talent just as someone celebrating their18th birthday. By the same token, a 40^th birthday can leave one easily feeling ancient if straddled by roles and expectations that don’t leave the soul singing. Age flows.

Remember too the gifts that come with age. Our older brains are perfectly suited for reinvention, as we gain capacities for perspective, for synthesizing meaning in creative ways, for holding ambiguity without the need for certainty, for sharing well earned wisdom. Treasures of aging. And drawing on Dr. Becca Levy’s research, thinking positively about aging helps us age better, extending both our healthspan and lifespan. No gym membership required.

Are we a bit slower? Sure, but all the better to bring deeper insight and connection. Beloved singer/songwriter Leonard Cohen wrote: “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” Yes, aging brings more cracks. But aging also creates an opportunity to redefine, renavigate, and renegotiate ourselves. It’s a journey not toward less, but toward something more freeing, something deeply human, something to celebrate.

As we enter into a time of less daylight, remember the cracks. And may they allow in precious rays of light to ignite your beautiful aging self.

Nancy Weinbeck

Bayview CEO

Originally posted on Queen Anne & Magnolia News